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So: no surprises there then.

In 19 point week for Julian Partridge secure his second successive championship title on this final week of the league season. A goal and two assists from Frank Lampard were the pick of the bunch and all that Julian has to do now is to pick up the silverware in August. And, of course, do it all again next term.

The Webmeister did well to steer Los Intergalacticos to the runners-up spot despite a late challenge from John Lewis and his Never Knowingly Undersold. 26 points from John's team was almost enough to grab runners-up spot, though not quite. Eight points from Ashley Cole and a pair of assists from Fletcher provided almost half of John’s points. Both teams can congratulate themselves on decent seasons and can hope to do better next term with the experience gained.

Fourth place for Steve Ferguson and his Skonto Riga Reserves was an admirable effort considering it was the Australian’s first outing in the top flight. To have garnered 422 points during that outing will have boosted Mr Ferguson's confidence no end. As with the teams above all he has to do is repeat the performance next season.

Also getting into the 400+ club this week was Paul Harding whose Ornamental Brown Star ended up in fifth place after a rather up and down season. Paul continues to perform at this level season after season, though one has to wonder if his best days are over, since he never truly excels. All of which makes it all the more remarkable that he should choose now to suggest a champions league competition for all the former champions at this level. The idea, as I understand it, is to run a league of such winners over the course of the season. All well and good I suppose if those managers are prepared to stump up the extra £27 per season required for such an event to take place. All former champions at this level let me know your thoughts.

Sixth place. Well it's not a bad position to occupy in any division, I suppose. There are numerous managers this season who are more than happy to occupy sixth place; I'm thinking of one in particular who is sat rather close the computer at the moment. However, if your name is Stuart Watt I doubt if that is much consolation. Hugo ‘N Botty have done well merely to stick a mid-table this season. The special needs one must do better next time around, though one suspects that Stuart’s star has finally reached its zenith and that a slow slide down the league is now inevitable.

Totalled Football had a poorer week this week being the only team to get a minus score on the final week of the league season. However, Tom Campbell's side were never in danger of slipping down a division due to the wide gap between themselves and eighth place. After a long season and finally coming to the end of week 39 Tom may consider himself relieved that it is all over. Survival was all that mattered in the end. And he can do it all again next term.

Definitely going down from this division are Seven Of Nine and Stockport C*unty. There is little if any comfort to Trevor Thornton or Tim Marks at this stage. All they can hope for is a rapid return next time. The only problem is that the Inferior Division is looking like a League of Death as far as 2010/11 is concerned.

All of which leaves something of a question mark. What are we going to do about Ken Clifford? Big Ken struggled gamely to get out of the drop zone for most of the season but it was all in vain. Or was it? With Andy Woodward resigning from the league and not taking up the third promotion place from the Inferior Division, only two teams will be coming up from that division. Which leaves us with something of a quandary. Will it necessitate just two teams going down?

Restructuring the league is always a thorny issue. I anticipate that we will be having further polls in the near future to decide, though you may be sick of the ballot box by now. Because of the uncertainty and confusion that accompanies restructuring it is imperative that you let the chairman know if you intend to resign from the league after this season. There is no shame to resignation but a lot of extra work if you don't tell us!

14/05/10.

With just one week to go before the end of the season, Julian Partridge appears to be virtually certain of collecting his second championship title. It was a poor week for Julian Partridge - just three points - but whatever he does in this final week is unlikely to have any effect on the outcome of the title race.

The runners-up place appears to be going to Steve Pearce and although the Webmeister had a quiet week consisting of just three goals from Cole, Drogba and Nani, it will take a Herculean effort from John Lewis or Steve Ferguson to overtake him. Never Knowingly Undersold and Skonto Riga Reserves both had excellent weeks this week, 13 and 19 points respectively, but there is a big gap to be closed if they are to steal second place from the Webmeister.

Stuart Watt managed to get into double figures this week confirming that if he is not The Special One, he is at least The Average One. Stuart lives to fight at this level another day.

As far as Ken Clifford, Trevor Thornton and Tim marks are concerned, the season is over. All three managers will be competing in the Inferior Division next term; there is now nothing that Mandrake Slappers, Stockport C*unty or Seven Of Nine can do to avoid their fate.

08/05/10.

With only two weeks of the season remaining - two weeks of fixtures, that is - the silverware appears to have already been dusted down and the trapdoor oiled.

Steve Pearce will say differently, but the title already appears to be going to Julian Partridge. The Partridge Family continued to lead at the top of the division maintaining a solid series of scores. 22 points this week included two goals and two assists from Lampard and two clean sheets from Friedel. With form like this Julian's trophy cabinet looks like it will be occupied for at least another 12 months.

Steve Pearce, the Webmeister, did have the highest score this week - 26 points - including six points apiece from Milner and Giggs, but even this more than decent score was not enough to close the gap to allow Los Intergalacticos. The best that the Webmeister can hope for now is to keep his nose in front of John Lewis and claim the prize money attendant on second place.

Talking of John Lewis, Never Knowingly Undersold had a fairly average week this week, barely getting into double figures. Clean sheets from Cole and Evra and a goal from Bent gave Mr Lewis an outside chance of scraping second place Sunday week.

As far as relegation is concerned, this appears to have already been settled in this division, and Mandrake Slappers, Stockport C*unty, and Seven of Nine will all be competing in the inferior division next season.

30/04/10.

The Webmeister closed the gap marginally on The Partridge Family this week after an 18 point week that included three goals from Cahill. However, it probably did little good as Julian Partridge picked up another 15 points to add to his tally, including six points from Taylor as Bolton scraped home.

John Lewis still occupies a top three position despite only barely staying in double figures this week. Unfortunately for Never Knowingly Undersold, any chance of the title appears to have evaporated. There is now 50 points separating John's team from top spot.

Not much change at the bottom of the table where the bottom three are virtually sunk. Stuart Watt - The Special Needs One - enjoyed a rare a good week, collecting the highest score in the division this week, as Hugo 'N Botty hit 21. Goals from Carew, Arteta and Bendtner kept Mr Watts pecker up.

23/04/10.

With the FA Cup taking place this weekend there was less action on the league front.

Only three teams in the Superior Division made it into double figures this week, illustrating how much the FA Cup hogged matters. Skonto Riga Reserves recorded an 11-point outing - eight of them from Tevez - keeping Steve Ferguson in touch with the race for the title. Paul Harding also matched this score, thanks largely to two goals and an assist from Adebayor. Both clubs now lie level on 376pts.

Also getting into double figures was Mandrake Slappers. 11 points for Ken Clifford included three clean sheets and an assist for Bellamy. However, Ken is still languishing in a bottom three place and is 44 points shy of safety.

16/04/10.

Not much change in the Superior Division this week. The Partridge Family maintained their push for the top after an 11 point week that included a goal for Young and an assist for Etherington. There is still a considerable gap however between first and second place and despite a very good week for Never Knowingly Undersold - 10 points for John Lewis that included a brace from Bent - the second placed team may rue the missed penalties from the same source.

Highest score of the week in this division went to Skonto Riga Reserves: a 14 point week that included a goal and two assists from Tevez. However this division, and the Supreme Championship Trophy itself, looks well nigh sorted.

Down at the bottom, though three teams presently occupying the relegation positions look well and truly sunk. With Mandrake Slappers 52pts adrift in eighth place Ken Clifford will be planning for next season already. Tim Marks, who has struggled from most of the season, lies just a point behind Mandrake Slappers and will also be planning for the 2010-11 season.

For Trevor Thornton, the season has been a stern lesson in how not to conduct one's auction. One can only hope that the former master of this game will have a better day at the Annexe come the first weekend in August.

09/04/10.

It certainly looks that way. 31pts for Julian Partridge this week saw his squad open up a massive 41-point gap and all thanks largely to Frank Lampard’s 21pts. A huge haul for any player in any given week – possibly the biggest ever in the history of Fantasy League. However, it wasn’t just Lampard that was on song this week; anyone who had Malouda got a 12-point bonus, as well, and some managers – as we will come to shortly – See Nursery Page – had both.

A big week as well for Stuart Watt, the Special Needs One. 30pts for Stuart included 9pts for Dunn and 6pts for Carew during a week when having Villa players could be a blessing or a curse. Certainly if you had Villa defenders it paid to keep them on the bench (as I did) against Chelsea. Poor old Tom Campbell suffered muchly in this respect, having Warnock and Dunne: MINUS TWELVE for that little slip up. Still, Totalled Football are still safe, but one senses that a salutary lesson has been learnt. The rest of Tom’s mob made amends and he was left with only -5. Only, mind you.

01/04/10.

With the relegation issues virtually decided in the top flight – sorry Trev, but you’re down! – the main focus of attention now has to be who will cart off the silverware and who will qualify for Europe.

It was a steady week for The Partridge Family, Julian Partridge scraping up a half-decent 11pts out of slim pickings. Goals from Etherington, Torres and – eventually – Gudjohnsen bulked it out and the week ended with the leaders still maintaining a decent gap, despite John Lewis gaining a little bit of ground after a 14-pointer that included a brace from Darren Bent. Incidentally, John has recently been starring in his own TV series in case you have missed it. John has a lead role up front in a program that aims to mix the tried and trusted real-life-documentary format of such classics as Airport with the all the fibre-optical insight of gems such as Embarrassing Bodies. Inside John Lewis can be found on BBC2 on Thursday evenings.

Not such a good week for the only Kingswood team with any chance of grabbing the title, however. A Kuyt assist was all that Brown Star could muster in a rotten week that left Paul Harding feeling a real Dirk. Or was that a Kuyt? Only you can decide...

26/03/10.

The race is well and truly on for the title now as the season enters its final couple of months and already you would have to be thinking about putting money on The Partridge Family repeating their success of last year. Another 24pts in the bag for Julian’s mob this week opened up a 20-point gap at the top as no-one else could match Julian’s flair for managing at this level. Oh, and it helped that Torres has returned to play with blistering form; too late to save Rafa though, I fear.

With the rest of the chasing pack failing to fire on all cylinders, only Totalled Football could match and exceed The Partridge Family as Tom Campbell’s squad notched-up a massive 28-point week to er... languish in midtable. What a shame. Too little too late. 11pts from Defoe and Pavlyuchenko were the real highlights. I ? Pavly.

If you are in the bottom three and you’re reading this, YOU’RE DOWN.

Last item: There are only eight teams in the Nursery Division this season, so the league really needs a little bit of restructuring. The question is how to get ten teams in the division. The options as I see them are to have five teams go up from this division or just relegate one team from the Nursery. I know which option I favour. I will be organising a ballot either on the website, or by an alternative method, to canvas opinion, shortly. Be sure to make your vote count. Anyone who wishes to resign from the league needs to inform me ASAP so we can make plans – Auction Weekend 2010 is only four-and-a-half months away, folks!

18/03/10.

Not much in the way of points this week due to the FA cup being in progress.

At the top Ornamental Brown Star closed the gap on The Partridge Family after both teams had a fairly lacklustre week. Just a point for Julian Partridge will have left him gnashing his teeth, though thankful that Wes Brown stayed on the pitch to get him that solitary pt. Meanwhile, 7pts from Brown Star included a goal from Arshavin and another from Diamanti. At this rate of scoring this division might wrap up by Christmas. Christmas 2012, that is.

All the points were down at the bottom. Mandrake Slappers notched up a 14-pointer that kept Ken Clifford breathing if not exactly conscious. I’ve been on a First Aid at Work course this week; can you tell? Meanwhile, Stu Watt did himself no harm with a 13-point week that kept the gap between survival and the alternative to a useful, if not exactly buoyant 35pts.

Tim Marks is about to undergo chest compressions, however after he secured a big fat zero. Seven Of Nine will be plying their trade in Div 2 next term.

All is lost for Stockport C*unty; 10pts this week meant that Trevor Thornton is still flatlining. I’m not saying it’s a lost cause, but I shan’t be breaking out my gloves or face-shield in the near future.

12/03/10.

Any slow week is a poor week at this stage of the season and NKU and Los Intergalacticos learned that all too well this last outing. A glut of points dropped by Chelsea defenders condemned the two chasing hopefuls to 5pts and a minus one respectively. There are still plenty of weeks left to make up the deficit – and it is only a handful of points after all – but one wonders when the wheels will come off for good. It all meant that the spearhead of Ornamental Brown Star and The Partridge Family continued their onward march as both top teams got into double figures. This will be a close season’s end.

If I could choose to be in any manager’s shoes at this moment in this division, it would be Steve Ferguson’s. Another 19pts for Skonto this week – 6pts each from the Roo and Tevez – leaves them just off the pace but nicely placed for a late assault. There is still time. Just 36pts off top spot is a good position to be in. I like to chase.

05/03/10.

It wasn’t a great week for The Partridge Family. There were scant pickings on the pitch as Julian’s defence dropped points and the only notable efforts came from Young at the back. All of which gave heart to the chasing pack as Los Intergalacticos gained ground after a sound 15-pointer that included 6-pointers for Drogba (two goals) and Milner (three assists). The gap is now down to six points but is complicated further by the fact that NKU are on the same number of points despite a lacklustre week (just 9pts and the perhaps fatal loss of Ashley Cole). With Ornamental Brown Star huffing and puffing away on 319pts – just a point behind – the run-in to the title looks a tad nail-biting.

With the title race limited to just a handful of teams, focus has shifted to the bottom and who will go down.

The bottom three are all miserably placed, being the best part of 30pts adrift. Before the end of the year this gap would appear closable, but by the end of February you have to say that their chances are slim at best.

Trevor Thornton must already be resigned to having to turn up early next year on the Auction Sunday. 43pts of safety, Stockport C*unty are doomed.

26/02/10.

Suddenly things are no longer certain in the top division. As Tony Blair would put it: the kaleidoscope has been shaken, the pieces are in flux etc etc.

With only a handful of midweek games there wasn’t much to shout about, but Ornamental Brown Star with Zamora and Saha did enough to help scramble together a 19-point week to keep them just 17pts off top spot. With The Partridge Family struggling to a meagre 2pts – coming from the now injured Etherington – four teams are now in with a real shout as the season enters the final straight.

19/02/10.

Another good week for The Partridge Family – 22pts – saw the reigning champions keep up the gap that looks likely to secure them a second successive title (judging on this form). Four clean sheets and a goal and an assist from Etherington were enough to keep JP sitting pretty with a gap of 18pts as the midweek fixtures began...

With Los Intergalacticos also scraping up a good 22pts (including 9pts from Drogba and a pair of clean sheets from Hangeland) pressure is now put on NKU to get their act together or slip out of contention entirely. Whether JL has the guts for it remains to be seen.

Down at the bottom, a huge yawning gap has opened up between the bottom four and the rest of the table; any of them could go down, though Stuart Watt has a slender advantage – 23pts ahead of the rest, he may have enough to survive. The problem for a lot of teams this season has been the slow start made by defences. If you bought big at the back, you may be in for a trial as most defences are only beginning to perform now. It will not be enough for many managers.

12/02/10.

Extra fixtures during the week meant a bumper crop of points for most managers – and a gnashing of teeth for those who had to go without.

Top team in the top division this week were Skonto Riga Reserves whose manager Steve Ferguson must be wondering if there is enough time for him to mount a late successful challenge to the title. Certainly, if he has many more weeks like this last one he will have one hand on the silverware by the middle of April. 31pts for Mr F included a massive 14pts from his defence including eight from Insua (looking a shrewd buy – 31pts to date) and a further eight from Cuellar (who I ditched after the first week – Gumby that I am). It all looks bright for the taciturn antipodean. Can he maintain it?

The Partridge Family kept up their drive to hold onto the silverware, however, with a 23-point week that relied heavily on the two goals and assist from Lampard. Julian is now nine points clear of the chasing John Lewis, though whether it is better to chase rather than lead at this stage of the race is debatable.

38pts shy of safety is an unusual position for Mr T to occupy, even though the Poppadom Prince secured a good 15-point return this week. Unfortunately, everyone else got into double figures as well, Trev.

05/02/10.

With Lampard hitting form again and Samba picking up another goal and a rare clean sheet it was a good week for The Partridge Family as they returned to the top of the Superior Division once more after a huge 25-point week. Dreams of a second successive Supreme Championship Trophy would appear to be well-founded after a week like this last one.

That doesn’t mean that NKU have given up the ghost; far from it. A 17-pointer for John Lewis included a complicated six points for Ashley Cole – one goal, one assist and one point for a 45-mins appearance before being subbed. John is only 4pts behind the leaders, so it’s still tight.

Down at the bottom, Stockport C*unty are now in deep trouble after a 5-point week consigned Trevor Thornton to a position barely above Davy Jones’s locker. 34pts now separate the former Terror of the League from safety.

23/01/10.

Extra fixtures for the festive period meant extra points and a complete turnaround in the top flight.

Los Intergalacticos slipped down to second place after an 11-point week that, whilst useful in the scheme of things, couldn’t compete against John Lewis’s 28-point bonanza. Three goals for Bent was the highlight of John’s Christmas – well, I assume so, anyway – and he opened up a small but important gap as a result.

Paul Harding also had a good outing, scraping up a 29-point week to move stealthily into third place after edging that way for some time. 22pts came from Paul’s defence – not bad for a season when defences are on the back-foot.

It was bad news for The Partridge Family – demoted to fourth after Julian’s mob only managed a meagre 7pts. However, with just 14pts separating the top four, the New Year promises much in the way of fireworks – once the FA Cup is over, that is.

Further down the table, Skonto Riga Reserves gained valuable ground after a 31-point week that was the equal top score across the entire league last week. 9pts from Tevez and 7pts from Rooney were the big scores from the big hitters.

Down at the bottom, Stockport C*unty picked up a dozen points – decent, but not enough to prevent Trevor Thornton dropping into last place. I hear the contents of his cracker wasn’t up to much, either.

30/12/09.

With an extra block of fixtures in midweek in Week 19, there were plenty of opportunities to pile on the points, if – and only if – you had the squad to do it.

The top division looked somewhat different after Los Intergalacticos edged out The Partridge Family and Never Knowingly Undersold to grab top spot. 26pts for the Webmeister included 8pts from Crouch and a brace from Santa Cruz. It will be a tough call to stay on top however – Julian Partridge lies just 4pts off the pace after a 24-point week courtesy of goals from Torres, Jones, Doyle and 6pts from Lampard that included that three-times taken – and converted – penalty. Fortunately for everyone else, only one of the conversions counted.

Ornamental Brown Star and Totalled Football both enjoyed bumper week as they clocked up 30 and 31pts respectively. Two clean sheets apiece for Gomes and Bassong and a further 5pts for England-prospect Zamora, were the main features of Paul Harding’s haul. For Tom Campbell, double-clean sheets for Warnock and Dunne augmented a scoring midfield of Denilson, Larsson and Alexander and yet another goal from Defoe. Both teams lie on the cusp of Euro places after their impressive showings.

26/12/09.

This hasn’t been any sort of season for defences as the leaders in the top flight discovered this week.

Six points dropped at the back by John Lewis’s Never Knowingly Undersold – 2pts apiece from Cole, Terry and Given – meant that his squad ended up with a score of -3 for the week. It wasn’t the best timing ever as Los Intergalacticos and The Partridge Family took full advantage – 10pts and 12pts putting Steve Pearce’s mob and Julian Partridge’s in with a chance of taking top spot in time for Christmas. In particular, the two goals from Drogba – tally now 55pts – were a real spur to the Webmeister, who now sits just 2pts behind John Lewis.

Elsewhere, Ornamental Brown Star was the top performer – a modest 13pts putting Paul Harding back in contention for a top three spot if his Christmas shapes up. Goals from Kuyt, Arshavin and Saha were the mainstay of Paul’s week.

Down at the bottom, Ken Clifford’s Mandrake Slappers have been rather cut adrift of late and a three point week will have done nothing to calm the nerves, though with Stockport C*unty dropping two points, the three above Big Ken have plenty to worry their pretty little heads about: just one point between them is squeaky tight. A bumper crop of fixtures over Xmas may make or break hearts.

17/12/09.

John Lewis had a quiet week, so it was up to Julian Partridge to make ground on the leaders, after a 22-point week that not only saw him back up to third place, but also saw him through to the final of the Chalice as well. 13 of Julian’s points came from his defence – no mean feat for a team that has underperformed in that department so far. With a goal and an assist from Valencia – now starting to find his way at the biggest club in the country, if not the world, there was plenty to applaud at the biggest fantasy league team in Somerset.

Five points from Milner helped Los Intergalacticos cling on to second place as the Webmeister chalked up another 18pts on the tally-board of his season. There is now a gap between the top three and the rest of the table – what a shame that there isn’t promotion into another tier. Rumours of a breakaway elite begin here.

17pts for Totalled Football steered Tom Campbell into safe waters after a period of uncertainty. A goal and an assist from Dunne were the high points of the weekend. Fifth place and an 18-point buffer will go down well in Herbert Road.

Stockport C*unty flirted with danger last season. After a four point week the spectres of last season will be gathering again. Just 6pts separate Mr T from the Drop Zone. Trevor will be trying to find somewhere quiet to ponder his happy place this weekend; another week like that and I’ll have to dig deep into my Scorn Box.

10/12/09.

The Webmeister’s Los Intergalacticos made some inroad into the lead of NKU this week, thanks to the efforts of Drogba and Giggs, but there is still a huge gulf between the chasing pack and Mr Lewis. However it was enough to relegate The Partridge Family to third place after a lacklustre performance from his squad (minus three from Baines! Ouch!). However, it wasn’t a week for Paul Harding to take advantage as his squad also dropped points at the back.

The teams in the bottom of the table have turned their thoughts away from the title, you would have thought – at least, for the moment. Stuart Watt will have been cheered by a 15-point week for his Hugo ‘N Botty that moved them into midtable and relative safety. Seven of those points came from Duff, who is starting to look a capable buy, even if he can’t quite race up the wing as of old. If he cobbles together 30pts by May he will have been a steal.

Skonto Riga Reserves moved off the bottom, a 13-point week giving Steve Ferguson a bit of a breather. It is still tight at the bottom, though.

03/12/09.

Just when Julian Partridge thought that he has John Lewis in his sights, the leaders had a week to top all weeks and a big gap has opened once again.

Of course, it was that Spurs/Wigan circus that was responsible, as Lennon clocked up 9pts – three assists and a goal – to boost Never Knowingly Undersold’s tally to 28 for the week. Strewth. Additional points came from Cole, Evra and Terry at the back.

The next question you’re asking is who had Defoe's five goals? Answer: Tom Campbell’s Totalled Football. Unfortunately, Tom’s only other score was a minus one from Lescott, so not a super-impressive week, then, Tom.

Elsewhere the points were scarce. Only Julian Partridge and Tim Marks got into double figures, meaning that The Partridge Family didn’t drop away entirely out of the title race, and that Seven Of Nine came to within eight points of safety, but it wasn’t a hugely scoring week for other managers in the top flight. Looking at the table, a couple of big established names look likely to drop out of the Superior Division this term. The question is, who?

27/11/09.

There is a bit of a gap opening up in the Superior this week – the top four all got into double figures, ensuring that they have a 20-odd point buffer between them and the rest of the idling pack.

NKU continued to maintain their lead after a 12-point week that included a goal and an assist from John Terry; not a huge week but enough to keep ahead.

The Partridge Family also had a steady week – 11pts, thanks mainly to six points from Young; Julian has just eight points to pick up to overtake John Lewis and has a far superior goal tally.

Los Intergalacticos and Ornamental Brown Star are closing fast, however. 15 pts for Steve Pearce included two assists and a goal for Milner. Paul Harding’s top score in the division (16pts) came from all over his squad, though the most optimistic thing about it would have been Arshavin getting back in the scoring groove.

Down at the bottom, Ken Clifford’s Mandrake Slappers plough a lonely furrow at the bottom – just 84pts. If Ken’s not careful he’ll be wearing “The Collar of Shame” at the next Auction...

13/11/09.

Pressure continues to mount on NKU as the teams around John Lewis chug along, but the leader managed to hold his nerve to secure a 14-point week thanks to his defence (four clean sheets and an assist). The Partridge Family closed the gap after an equal-top scoring 17pts, but NKU still have a seven point buffer. Deco, Etherington and Lampard all got a goal and an assist for Julian’s mob. The Partridge Family is doing a fine job of defending last term’s title, though there is still a long way to go.

Totalled Football had another fine week – 17pts – to keep the teams above at least in sight if not touching distance. Robin van Persie was the main provider – two goals and an assist bringing a broad grin to the face of Tom Campbell.

A better week for Tim Marks’s Seven Of Nine. 11pts for the bottom three club didn’t move them out of danger, but at least there is a decent chance of The Man in the Suit getting out of it soon. A rare goal from Dempsey and an assist from Anelka were the main offensive bonuses for Tim’s mob.

06/11/09.

Not much of a week for the leaders; just a slim 3pts for Never Knowingly Undersold this week and questions will inevitably arise as to whether the wheels are now coming off the challenge of the Superior new boys. All the action was at the back for John as Terry and Gallas picked up points, but Given and Evra dropped them. Expect a sudden return to form this week, though, judging on past performances.

However, if John’s return to form doesn’t happen, the Champions can be sure to take advantage. A twelve point week for The Partridge Family this week – including 6pts from Lampard – kept Julian Partridge breathing down John’s neck. Just ten points separate them now.

Top score of the week went to Tom Campbell, whose Totalled Football recorded a 14-pointer courtesy of an outstanding performance from van Persie (5pts). Tom remains in fifth place, well off the pace of the leaders, but well above the whirlpool of the drop zone.

The bottom three is starting to look settled, which must be a little worrying for the managers involved. Mandrake Slappers, Seven of Nine and Skonto Riga Reserves have much to do to avoid a winter of discontent.

30/10/09.

Once again picking up the highest score for the week, it was full steam ahead for John Lewis’s Never Knowingly Undersold as his squad secured a 21-point week that included a goal and assist for Kranjcar and another goal for Darren Bent – his sixth of the season.

Los Intergalacticos kept up the pressure with a 14-pointer that incuded a bit of a rarity for Drogba – no goals, but TWO assists. The Webmeister is now 19pts shy of the leaders.

11pts from Paul Harding’s team kept Ornamental Brown Star is third thanks to the efforts of Arshavin – a goal and an assist.

Only 15pts separate the bottom six teams, so it is nigh on impossible to deduce any trends there, yet. Enjoy it whilst it lasts, you stragglers – a gap will open soon enough. Take the word of one who already knows...

06/10/09.

It was a big week for two of the teams in the Superior Division – one consolidating and one just getting going.

23pts for Never Knowingly Undersold kept John Lewis in no doubt that his is the team to topple this season. Cole and Fletcher were the main providers for John and they have now scored over a quarter of John’s tally of 91pts.

Also on fire this week were Ornamental Brown Star who slotted nicely into third place after a 24-pointer that owed much to Saha and Kuyt. Paul Harding just edges out last season’s champions The Partridge Family to the third place spot, though Julian also had a good week – 20pts including a brace from Torres.

It’s too early to draw too many conclusions from the bottom end of the table, though Tim Marks’s Seven Of Nine must be anxious by now – plenty of goals but few clean sheets. A long season may be ahead for The Man in the Suit.

25/09/09.

How long can the Webmeister keep this pace up? Not much longer, surely? Another 18pts for Los Intergalacticos kept Steve Pearce out on top in the Superior Division, with Nani starting to look a steal; a goal and an assist in the 5-0 demolition of Wigan will have heartened all those who took a punt on him.

Never Knowingly Undersold slipped quietly into second place after a smooth 27-point week that included 7pts from Lennon – an obvious buy really, now you think of it, what with the embarrassment of riches up front at Spurs now.

Down at the bottom it has been a slow start for Seven Of Nine – just 14pts to date, though activity from Anelka will give Tim Marks some hope that last season wasn’t a flash in the pan. Meanwhile, Julian Partridge has started to turn things around after an awful first week. 23pts in Week Two have moved the Champion off bottom place.

28/08/09.

Six points from Drogba and three clean sheets were enough to leave the Webmeister sitting proud at the top of the Superior Division, defying the Chairman’s dire predictions. Los Intergalacticos got off to something of a flyer, though whether it can be maintained is another matter.

Hugo N’ Botty carried on much as they left off and a seamless transition to the new campaign was thus assured. 16pts was a good way to kick-off – ten of them coming from Fabregas. There was some confusion at FLHQ regarding whether Pienaar had scored on Saturday – for some reason it appeared as a goal, but was later downgraded to an assist. I listened to it on the radio and the way it was described was a bit confusing, so obviously they were listening to the same radio feed for their initial scoring!

Down at the bottom it was a dreadful week for the Champions – minus seven for The Partridge Family. A couple of Everton stalwarts there, then.

22/08/09.

Adrian Downs came round yesterday – yesterday being the first day of the new season – a dispiriting 1-2 reverse at the hands of Orient – why can we never come out of the blocks as if we mean it? Ah, well, another nine months of head-shaking begin – anyway, Adge came round with Marcus and he was looking at the roll-of-honour I’d put together for the league. It is noticeable that the only name that repeats on the Supreme Title is his.

“Strange how people only win it once, isn’t it?” he said. I had to agree; it’s as if managers can steel themselves up to perform for just one season. I suspect that this game is more of a lottery than we like to think. There are no dead-cert strategies; only hunches and the vicissitudes of a long slog through the autumn and winter months before the respite of spring. If you get it lucky, well, then you’re lucky. Doing it a second time is fiendishly difficult; a third time, nigh impossible.

All the more reason to suspect, then, that The Partridge Family look stuffed. Even before the season begins, one can say: “It’s the Inferior Division for them.” Julian went to the auction with no plan that I can see. The defence is light weight, at best. Friedel might be a good buy; Baines was surely a gamble that Everton can do it again; Agger will play one in three. The midfield has spice, however. Young, Lampard and Valencia. Etherington makes it into the middle of the park so he can set up the tea-table there. Up front, Torres is the one gem. If Yakubu is fit he could provide 40 or 50pts, but I don’t rate him personally. Sturridge was a shrewd investment if he can hold down a place. He is a talent. Beattie and Jones will do for a Saturday afternoon when Torres doesn’t feature. Mid-table at best. And I’m being generous.

Los Intergalacticos perform at this level after a brief respite down a level. You have to wonder why the Webmeister bothered. The defence is full of ifs-and-buts. If Man City build a defence, then Micah Richards... if Hangeland moves to Arsenal then... if Villa tighten up then Young may... But Green... but Woodgate... What was Steve thinking? The midfield is anonymous (go and look online if you don’t believe me) and will only pick up 50pts if they’re lucky. The only redeeming part of the squad is the frontline: Drogba, Eduardo, Crouch, Cole, Santa Cruz. It might be enough to keep him up, but I fear Steve Pearce has a struggle on his hands that will last till May.

On the flipside, there is Big Ken Clifford, who spent big at the back for Mandrake Slappers. BIG. Reina, Bosingwa, Sagna, Vidic and Upson. Well, maybe Upson was a bid he raised that he got stuck with. The midfield has Gerrard and the untested Zhirkov. Nasri is injured but will be back one day, so Ken can expect at least 30pts from him, I’d say. Park might take off this season; all the midfield at ManYoo have boots to fill this outing. Up front, Bellamy, King and Roberts will have their work cut out to manage 10 goals all season. Presumably he bought Cousin because someone told Ken that he was his, er, cousin. Will struggle – a great backline, but where are the goals going to come from? Gerrard.

Totalled Football. They want goals this season. Lots of them. Tom Campbell didn’t push too much for his defence – Aurelio and Lescott are the mainstays and Evans might feature more this time around. The midfield is middling: Fellaini, Jenas, Riera, Pedersen – good enough to accrue points, but not set the world alight. Up front are Berbatov, Defoe, van Persie, Robinho, Bendtner and Davies. Not a sure-fire team, this, but one that might be pushing for Europe.

John Lewis comes to the top flight after a steady rise through the ranks that has seen his Never Knowingly Undersold winning back-to-back Championships in the last three outings – Xtra, Nursery, Inferior – Bang Bang Bang. The question is, Does John have what it takes to succeed at this level, the highest the league can throw at him? Well, it began passably. Given, Cole, Evra, Terry and Gallas. Beat that. Unfortunately, by that point John had spent £12m, so the rest suffered. The midfield has some potential: Wright-Phillips, Lennon, Rosicky and Murphy, whilst Kranjcar and Fletcher will contribute too. But the front-line is woeful: Bent and Heskey are offset somewhat by Scotland, if he delivers and Jiminez is an unknown. Upper midfield for Mr Lewis and a season without silverware.

Stuart Watt is an enigma, and I suspect that Stuart might be in with a chance yet again. Hugo N’ Botty are the nearest we have to a dynasty these days, and the Special Needs One kept up his run of impressive auctions with a downbeat understated style that saw him pick-up a half-decent, almost excellent squad, yet again. Cech and Rafael (if he plays) are more than complimented by Alex and Carragher, though Konchesky probably won’t last past September is my guess. Fabregas, Downing and Malbranque are steadfast lieutenants in the middle, with Pienaar making up the numbers, as he is with my squad. Owen and Carew look nice up front if they can keep off the physio’s bench. The subs are nothing to shout about, but that’s what the £5m is for. This team will be contenders, is my estimate.

The Prince of the Poppadoms and darling of the bobbly-slippered brigade couldn’t make his auction this term, but left instructions with his proxy who did a good job for Stockport C*unty. The back-line looks solid: van der Sar, Johnson, Clichy, Ferdinand, Carvalho and Toure. The midfield is a bit lightweight: Osman, Denilson, Kightly and the underrated Lawrence, not to mention the gamble on Eagles, who may cut it at this level, or may not. Jo, Keane, Agbonlahor, and Elmander provide options up front. A top two finish.

Steve Ferguson has been with us for a number of years now and this is his first foray into the top flight. It has been a long wait; was it worth it? Skonto Riga Reserves had a middling auction and whilst there are some worthy gems there are a few dud diamonds as well. The defence looks promising: Howard – if EFC can do it again – Bridge – If MCFC can do it – Davies – if AVFC can last a season – Skrtel and Insua – if LFC play them – Brown – if he plays at all. It’s all a bit woolly; but it might work. The midfield has plenty of dash to it: Modric, Noble, Cole and Arteta – when he comes back. Ballack is waste of space. The front has class: Tevez and Rooney, with Andy Johnson and Ebanks-Blake on seat-warming duties. there will be changes – there always are – but there will be enough to stay up, and this season was always about consolidation for Stevo.

Hmmm. Tim Marks has been a bit of a permanent fixture in this division lately. He sits there in midtable for most of the season and pesters you occasionally, but generally his role is one of someone who doesn’t do a lot. In that respect, he is rather like the down-and-out who hangs out by your local Cashpoint begging scraps off you; he always hopes that someone will toss him a tenner (fat chance). No doubt to move away from this image, Tim turned up in three piece suit this time around, though no-one was fooled: you can tell he’s fallen on hard times by the amount of weight he has lost, poor little wizened waif that he is. So what of his squad? Can this be Tim’s year? No. The defence has a made-up-on-the-spot feel to it: Almunia and O’Shea were expensive acquisitions, though Naughton, Hughes and Yobo will dampen down the fires in his heart when the summer ends and the chill winds of October begin to tease the leaves from the trees. The midfield is passable: Ireland, a sure-fire hit, Malouda, Benayoun and Dempsey will perform well, and Geovanni is a novelty who can spring the odd surprise to make the regulars on MOTD laugh. Scholes is way past the sell-by date and will be in a rest home by November. The front is built almost entirely around Anelka. Fuller, Iwelumo and McCarthy will chip in from time to time, but not to any startling degree. It looks like another midtable team assembled by their manager for Seven Of Nine; safe but not going anywhere. It’s a hard life if you’re a regular at the Cashpoint Stadium, BS15.

Gomes, Hibbert, Shorey, Vermaelen, Ivanivanivaninvaninovic – or something like that. Not a back-line that you would choose voluntarily, unless you’re peculiar Paul Harding, that is. Master Harding didn’t put much faith in a back-line, this time out – just £2.1m spent – and his midfield looks better for it: Arshavin, Kuyt, Barry and Taylor (who I like). Carrick and N’Zobgia were aberrations, induced by the prospect of going home to valet his car. But the four first-choices are first class. The front-line of Adebayour, Zamora, Saha and Campbell are flush with potential, which is always a worrying sign. Can Adebayour do it at Man City? I have grave doubts... So a team that might do well, but might struggle due to the deficiencies at the back. Ornamental Brown Star must surely be in for a long hard campaign. Will need to wheel and deal.

WHERE’S THE HEAD ON THAT PINT A: SUPERIOR DIVISION
FINAL TABLE MAY 2010

I got the bottom three spot on last time and had The Partridge Family down as runners-up!

* Aged 9.

14/08/09.