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Fantasy League News: Superior
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Bits & Bobs: Manager
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Just as we were writing him off, Christmas comes along and it is all change for the man they call The Special Needs One.
34pts for Stuart Watt over the festive period hauled the reigning champion out of obscurity and back to the top of the tree like the glittering winged creature we always knew him to be. Feel free to read between the lines. 8pts from Arsenal target, Arteta; 6pts from Tottenham target, Bellamy; and 6pts from everybody’s target, Zaki, were the stand-out lumps in Mr Watt’s stocking. If the New Year delivers to the same scale it could be another bumper run-in to the end of the campaign. But probably not.
All of which was bad news for The Partridge Family who had a dire Christmas harvest. 6pts is hardly Championship form and with Stockport C*unty clocking up a decent 26-pointer, thanks largely to 11pts from Robinho (39pts to date), Julian Partridge will have hit the bottle by the Sunday afternoon.
The highest score of the week went to The Special Needs Too. 45pts for Paul Harding’s Ornamental Brown Star was as spectacular as it was unexpected. 10pts from Carlton Cole, 9pts from Lampard and 6pts from Robbie Keane ensured that Paul had plenty to feel chuffed about and bugger the fact that he probably spent the rest of the holiday with his head in a bucket. Up to sixth place for OBS, or as I like to think of them, IBS.
01/01/09.
Defence inspires Totalled FootballTom Campbell has been using midtable as chaise longue for most of the season, so it was heartening to see Totalled Football actually rise from this semi-recumbent position and make a quick dart up to fourth place before the festive season got properly underway. 9pts came from Tom’s defence, not that one can get too excited about that, but an assault on the top three is now looking rather more likely. Champions by May? Stranger things have been known to happen...
At the top of the pile Julian Partridge had a quiet week – just 5pts – but retains a 9-point lead at the top. Stuart Watt might have moved into second place after an 11-point week that included goals from Jones and Bullard, but The Special Needs One won’t be too cock-a-hoop yet; if he gets to grab top spot by New Year the League Noticeboard will be noisy and probably unbearable.
Down in the Drop Zone Phil Martin took up Wooden Spoon position after a poor showing – just 3pts – and lost ground somewhat as the three teams above all hit 10pts. Somehow I can’t help thinking that Buffys Muff Club is doomed to drop again – Phil Martin just can’t cut it at this level.
26/12/08.
Partridges fly highAnother good week for Julian Partridge as his squad continues to defy the odds in the hunt for their first ever Superior Division title. 12pts from his mob of misfits might not be a massive total but it was enough this week to maintain a 15-point gap at the top. 5pts from Valencia was the stand-out feature – the Wigan midfielder proving a valuable asset as rumours abound about a big money move to Old Trafford.
Elsewhere, Stuart Watt huffed and puffed his way to 10pts this week – 6pts from Kenwyn Jones being offset somewhat by numerous defensive lapses – 4pts dropped at the back, no less – and Hugo ‘N Botty now look as ineffective as most of the other teams in this division.
Trevor Thornton and Tim Marks have fallen by the wayside of late and one can but wonder if they will have enough spark to reignite their title challenges; on their present form, probably not.
Down at the bottom, Ornamental Brown Star remain in difficulties, along with Buffys Muff Club and a now openly struggling Scrumpy Jack; Trevor Cowles flashed the cash last week after procrastinating for an age. It must have done something to galvanise them as his squad scooped up 18pts, their highest score for a while. Gerrard and Agbonlahor provided 14 of them.
19/12/08.
Managers play pass the parcelThe way that things are shaping up in the top flight it is likely to be a long season.
Trevor Thornton climbed back to the top this week after a 14-point outing that included a brace from Darren Bent – remember him? The top spot seems to be alternating between Trevor and Tim Marks for the last couple of months, so I won’t comment on the Superior title race next week, except to say now that Tim will be top next week, and then Trevor, and so on. May suddenly seems a long way off.
Down at the wrong end Paul Harding’s remarkable resurrection continues, just when everyone was hoping he was dead and buried. Well, Mr Ward was, anyway. 13pts from Ornamental Brown Star included a much needed brace from Keane. The floodgates will now open. Just 3pts separate the bottom three now – and Master Harding also knocked out Skonto Reefa in the Chalice! How Christmassy was that that, young man?
14/11/08.
Big Ken in Big Points BonanzaWith an extra block of fixtures in midweek it was a chance for managers to maximise their points potential, and many grabbed with both hands.
In the Superior Division, Mandrake Slappers shot up the table after a 34-point week launched them to fifth. 12pts for Ronaldo, 6pts for Terry and goals for Geovanni, Alves and Heskey counteracted the 5pts lost from the defence.
It was a sloppy week for Stockport C*unty – just 5pts will be something of a worry to The Man to Beat. Trevor Thornton had the disquieting realisation as he woke up on Tuesday morning that only Bent had picked up any points whatsoever from his midfield and attack. Looks like relegation to me. Honestly, you have to wonder how Trevor can walk about in daylight with form like that.
Elsewhere, Seven Of Nine slipped coolly into top spot, a fifteen point week that would have been just six had it not been for Obefemi Martins. Eggs and Baskets spring to mind, however.
The Partridge Family, meanwhile, eased themselves into the unlikely armchair of second place after a mildly diverting 16-point outing for the week. 5pts from Bentley were the most welcome feature for Mr P. All that money managers spent on Bentley may well bear fruit after all.
Down at the bottom, Ornamental Brown Star’s Paul Harding limbered up for a bout of nude wrestling with Skonto Reefa’s Jon Ward in the Chalice – put away your camera phones, you lot! It’s just a metaphor! – after he collected a season-best score of 22pts this week. It didn’t lift him off the bottom, but escape is looking more plausible. Unfortunately, 7pts dropped by Almunia and Woodgate took the gloss off the resurgence.
07/11/08.
Robinho to the rescue!Trevor Thornton might have had his head in his hands last week, but that all changed this week. 21pts from his band of brothers, including a rather fulsome hat-trick from Robinho, pushed the team to beat back to top spot after a lacklustre outing last week. Add to that a truly dire week from Seven Of Nine (0pts) and you have all returning to normal in the top flight.
Adding spice to the title race – or at the least game – are The Partridge Family who also got amongst the points with a 16-pointer that was greatly aided and abetted by Carew’s 5pts. Julian Partridge is now just one point behind Tim Marks and a mere 9pts behind the leaders. A first title for the forgotten Mr P? It isn’t out of the question. Big Ken will be chuffed to bits.
Down in the bottom half it was a good week for OBS as Paul Harding seemed to get something of a grip. 11pts will come as a relief after an awful start to the season for Paul. If Keane ever gets the scent of goal again, it could be a meteoric rise for OBS. Or maybe not.
Trevor Cowles will be in a state of concerned contemplation this week. 15pts was a decent score for Scrumpy Jacks, but a relegation place is still a relegation place. 7pts for Agbonlahor spared Trev’s blushes for another week, but the Charlton Road club need to start scoring on a regular basis if they are not to be humbled in the coming weeks and months. With the winter coming, it is a tall, order.
28/10/08.
All change!Not the best week that Trevor Thornton has ever enjoyed at this lark and the end result was that Mr T surrendered top spot to a revitalised and downright slinky Seven Of Nine, who were on fire this week! 24pts from Tim Marks’s squad pushed him 13pts clear at the top. Top achievers for Seven were Belletti (6pts) and Kuyt (6pts). Six of Tim’s squad are now into double figures – a healthy sign. Earlier this week I saw something on the TV saying that nobody called Tim was ever a winner. You have to laugh, don’t you?
Next up, and also excelling this week: The Partridge Family; 25pts for Julian Partridge’s squad. They benefitted from 15pts from Kalou and Rooney; not a combination that springs to mind, but it worked this week. Third place now for The Partridge Family and a dark horse situation looks to be entering the stalls...
Not a bad week for Hugo – 11pts might be valiant, but at this stage The Special Needs One is hardly a Victor.
23/10/08.
Seven Of Nine up to secondA 24-point week for Tim Marks saw him race – not a word you would normally associate with the chubby one – into second place after last weekend. 6pts from Brown, a brace from Torres, and a rare goal from Kuyt were the pick of Tim’s sudden resurgence. Seven Of Nine are now just a goal away from top spot and you have to question whether Mr Thornton really is that secure at the top of the division. Stockport C*unty had a poor week by comparison: just 3pts over what was a quiet weekend for the Poppadom Prince. Incidentally, Seven Of Nine now have the highest goals tally of any side in the league: 19. Impressive.
Stuart Watt, last season’s Supreme Champion, has had a quiet start to the new campaign, but that may be changing as he continued to press for honours this week. An eleven point week kept Hugo ‘N Botty in third place thanks largely to his defence. One good week could put “The Special Needs One” back in contention, if not propel him to the top.
A rotten week for Buffys Muff Club – Phil Martin slipped to bottom place after only one of his squad got onto the scoresheet – and that was to record a minus score! Ornamental Brown Star took full advantage – albeit with a meagre 8pts – and leapfrogged above his BS15 rival. However, these two look destined for a downward spiralling handbag-fight all the way into the Inferior Division this season. How unseemly! Still, Paul Harding has been in a false position for many seasons now and a prolonged paddle in the lower reaches of the league should awaken him from his delusions of grandeur. Expect a name change to The Sleeping Pygmies in due course.
08/10/08.
Thornton falters as the pack give chaseIt was a dull week for the leaders in the top flight. Just 5pts for Stockport C*unty brought Trevor Thornton’s gallop to an abrupt halt and allowed the teams below to make up a bit of ground. And it was a good week for it to happen, as Hugo ‘N Botty, Seven Of Nine and The Partridge Family all recorded good double-figure scores, though Stuart Watt’s 18pts will have given much solace to the Champion; five clean sheets served to prop up what had been a pretty average defence prior to the weekend’s games.
A sorry sort of week for Scrumpy Jacks Cider Eds: just one measly assist for Trevor Cowles’s side – and that was cancelled out by defensive lapses from his squad. With Totalled Football looking a bit more the side they were last term and Skonto Reefa finally picking up speed, it will be an edgy few weeks from Trevor. One can hear a relegation dogfight yelping in the kennels out back, I fear...
01/10/08.
Thornton’s name linked to vacant Toon jobWell, it would have to be you would think, after the start to the campaign Mr T has had: 83pts after five competitive weeks and a place in the top 100 managers nationally – it makes scary reading. Another 14pts from Stockport C*unty this week means that a 35-point gap has now opened up at the top of the Superior Division. To be honest, the rest of this division – and bear in mind that we are talking about the top flight of our league, the crème de la crème – are looking like a bunch of amateurs, a gaggle of giggling schoolgirls out for a day at a hockey international. Personally, I’m not certain that we shouldn’t just relegate the lot of them and start again. Blimey, I hope I do go up this season – I can’t wait to lock horns with any of this shower of no-hopers in the Inferior next season.
Trevor’s latest windfall included 5pts from Denilson and Robinho apiece and a couple of clean sheets to counteract the points he lost from Hoyte. Hoyte, in fact is the only weak link, being on a minus score whilst everyone else shines around him.
Three teams are locked below the leaders on 48pts, but only The Partridge Family had anything to crow about this week. A dozen points for Julian’s mob kept him out of midtable, but nine of those points were from the defence. Only Carew has shown any real hunger for the net so far in this squad – 13pts to date.
Down at the bottom it was a poor week for Paul Harding. Just one point meant that holidaying Hardy slipped to last place by virtue of his parlous goals scored tally – just two to date. With Phil Martin moving above him after a 12-point week – five of them from Jo – it was a doubly awful week for Paul. If the season doesn’t kick start soon for the Prince of BS15 it could be an ignominious slide down to Div 2 come May. With Jon Ward sailing away up into midtable, that will go down like a sack of puppies in a pond for the struggling Mr H.
25/09/08.
Can anyone stop the Prince of the Poppadoms?There may not have been a massive amount of points around this week, but it made no difference to the runaway leaders in the top flight.
15pts for Stockport C*unty kept the grin broad on Trevor Thornton’s face, and opened up a huge – for this time of the campaign – gap at the top. Goals from Tevez, Robinho and Bent proved that this squad can put the ball in the back of the net as well as keep it out. The question – just two weeks into September, mind you – is this: Can anyone stop Mr T? On this form you would have to say not until 2011: the earliest that the Chairman can make it back to this level.
Only two other teams made it into double figures in the Superior Division. Totalled Football rose from the depths to sixth place after a 14-pointer, but when you consider that Defoe got most of those and Malouda also contributed, well, it puts it into perspective. Defoe will keep the goals coming but it is hard to imagine a glut from anywhere else. Meanwhile, Scrumpy Jacks Cider Eds ascended to fourth after a cool dozen for Mr Cowles. Yakubu and Zamora got six of those – but the assists tally looks suspect – just three to date. I can’t help but think that Trevor is in a false position.
With the rise of Tom Campbell, Paul Harding’s Brown Star – not a pleasant picture, when you consider it – has slipped to ninth. Add that to the problems that Paul has had logging in – sorry, the puns keep coming – and it has been a constipated start – I couldn’t resist that – to the season for the Kingswood outfit.
18/09/08.
Thornton blazes a trailThe Chairman has been trumpeting him as the man to beat and this week showed why. 19pts for Trevor Thornton gave the clear favourite a clear lead at the top of the Superior Division. Three clean sheets and goals from Bent and Tuncay, as well as assists from Deco (10pts to date) and Lawrence ensured that Stockport C*unty could go into the International break with a relaxed and confident air. The acquisition of Robinho in the transfer scramble this week will have bolstered Mr T’s title challenge even more.
Second place in the top division is presently held by Tim Marks, whose Seven Of Nine had a steady week – 11pts – including a rare goal for Beletti. Seven Of Nine have the top goals tally across all 47 teams in the league – 9.
Last season’s Champions, Hugo ‘N Botty have far from given up the ghost, however. Stuart Watt may have had a quiet start to the campaign, but he appears to be back on song after an 18-point week that included two goals and an assist from Zaki in Wigan’s demolition of Hull at the weekend. Zaki is hot news – the man to have. Hugo ‘N Botty are now up to third. Expect some nude power wrestling á la Women in Love from Trevor and Stuart in due course.
Down at the bottom Phil Martin’s Buffys Muff Club had a good week, which was something of a novelty for him. 11pts – six of them from Johnson – put him on 7pts for the season. There is a long way to go, of course; all the further for Phil’s little legs, however.
05/09/08.
Thornton carries on as beforeReigning Champion, Stuart Watt may be struggling to regain the form that won him the top title last season, but Trevor Thornton is as comfortable as ever in his role as chief irritant to the top flight. A 19-point week saw Stockport C*unty move to pole position this week. Lawrence and Deco made important contributions to the North of England Poppadum Fund and there is a bit of a gap opening even now. However, Tim Marks looks poised – there is something terribly self-contradictory about that phrase – to move into a commanding position, having scored seven goals already – three of them so far this season from Elano.
At the bottom, the three promoted teams from the Inferior Division are still struggling.
Totalled Football got into positive integers this week after a nine-pointer that will have settled nerves in Herbert Road.
Skonto Reefa had another quiet week – just six points and a list of absentees as long as a list of Asbos in Toxteth. Jon Ward may be sweating, but as he’s back in Saudi, it’s just evaporating off him. Just as well, really.
For Buffys Muff Club, however, the boss must be panicking already. Just 3pts this week and still on -4. At this rate Phil Martin will be sacking himself before the season is a month old. It’s a big step up to the top flight – perhaps the Kingswood mob can have a whip-round to buy him a box.
27/08/08.
Muff Club off to awful startJust who the hell does Phil Martin think he is? Luton? It was a truly awful start for Buffys Muff Club, back in the top flight once again and once more realising what a big step up it is to go from the Second Division to the first. Minus seven. Now that’s what I call a memorable start to the season. Johnson and Richards were the main architects of Mr Martin’s undoing. Quite what the man with the muscle intends to do about it remains to be seen, but I think we can confidently predict a flurry of activity in the Transfer Market.
Trevor Cowles’s Scrumpy Jacks Cider Eds has the best opening to a season that they will have seen in a while – 17pts and top spot – that in spite of points dropped by Howard and Shorey. Trevor has won the Supreme Champions Trophy before, but he can’t be expected to keep this up. Still, it beats the days when he was a yo-yo team.
Mandrake Slappers and Stockport C*unty were tucked up right under Trevor Cowles’s mob – 16pts apiece, and looking very much as if they have hit the ground running. Dean Ashton was Ken Clifford’s main provider this weekend – his brace for the Hammers underlining what a potent force he promises to be in seasons to come. If he can stay fit – a big if as he limped off in the first game – he might just give Mr C some hope of finally getting his big mitts on the silverware. Trevor Thornton, meanwhile, splashed out £3m on Deco and was admirably rewarded for his faith on the stylish import’s first outing – a goal and an assist were points in the bank with a promise of more to come in the months ahead.
With Totalled Football and Skonto Reefa just above Phil Martin in the Dead Zone, however, it was a poor week for the newly promoted teams. A sharp learning curve looks to be in prospect for the minnows – fortunately the game is played over about 40 weeks not just one.
21/08/08.
“Ka-thunkkk!” goes the gauntlet...“To All Managers,
I know you've all been waiting for me to take to the field and thank my fans for their support during what has been a long and difficult season. To complete my lap of honour. To throw my shirt into the crowd. To wave a flag. To wrap a club scarf around my head. To jump up and down in front of the cameras, rocking from one foot to the other. To let the world know through the media what this title means to me. To be honest though, I've been unable to. It's all been a bit too much for me. I am totally overwhelmed. Winning the championship has been a dream of mine since I joined the league some six years ago. Promoted every season but one has delivered the dream sooner than I planned. Sooner than I actually thought possible. I know that to some of you, being formally recognised as the best tactician, the best strategist, the best manager in the league is not everything in life. But to me it is. I know that since being promoted in such style during my inaugural season I have been viewed by many social commentators as 'The Special One' but until now there have always been doubters of my ability. Finally I have proved it beyond any reasonable doubt. I AM The Special One. It is official. I'm going to go away somewhere quiet, somewhere the media will not be able to find me, somewhere to reflect on what I have achieved and if there is anything left to achieve in life. I'm sure I'll find something; I always have in the past.
I'm a winner and I will always be a winner. I need something new to win though, something new to push my buttons, to make me want to wake up with the bird song in the morning, to drive me to new heights. A new challenge is what I shall be seeking. If I do decide to attend the auction this year to defend my worthy crown, please all give me the respect that I rightfully deserve. When I arrive (and I shall arrive late) I will expect a guard of honour. I think it would be fitting for you to chant "here comes the Special one". Please chant it in time to create the best effect. Enjoy your summer everyone. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.”
Stuart (The Special One)
That was how the last season finished. Do you remember it? Or has it faded with the balm of the long summer evenings, the murmurous haunts of flies and the drawn-out dusks of the pub garden?
No, I didn’t think so. I think you still burn at the injustice of it and the arrogance of his last sneering address. The time has come around to make amends, to right the wrongs and restore the old order. I don’t think retribution is too strong a word. But who has the stomach for it? Who has the nous to put the vainglorious upstart in his place? Who is starting to sound like Anne Robinson?
Read on, O initiates and see what the Chairman sees as he pulls back the veils of mystery to peer at those strange parchments titled “2008/09 Teamsheets”...
Hugo N’ Botty
The Special One, as he styles himself, no less. Stuart Watt selected this squad and rumour has it he considered it less than special at the time. One can only agree. The defence is good, but any defence is gamble – will they play? In the era of rotation systems one’s heart must always be in one’s mouth. Vidic and Cech are certs. Campbell is a gamble; can Pompey deliver again at the back? The midfield is light: only Petrov and Bullard catch the eye. Pedersen had a shocker last term. Berbatov may end up carrying this team and keeping it up. Or he may launch it into the stratosphere. If the market goes Stu’s way, who knows?
Mandrake Slappers
Ken Clifford steered his squad to third place last time. I doubt it will happen this time around. Terry, Toure and Bridge are the only notables at the back; Hutton is a good defender in a Tottenham shirt. Say no more. Ronaldo will chip in plenty in the midfield, but probably will struggle to equal last term’s average. He already has one foot – in a cast – in Madrid. He won’t push it. Alves is a good bet up front. Ashton must deliver to repay the faith shown in him in the past.
Scrumpy Jacks Cider Eds
Trevor Cowles used to slide down the league faster than I could slide down a bar back in the early days of the league. Not anymore. Trevor always aims for the middle these days. I think the midfield will deliver for Scrumpy Jack – Gerrard, Malbranque and Kranjcar especially. I don’t like Ballack – a waste of money in my opinion. Yakubu always has his fans, though it baffles me as to why. Agbonlahor is a class act. Zamora may just surprise a lot of folks at Fulham. No glory, however, in this squad.
Totalled Football
Just up from the Inferior, Totalled Football was proxied at the Auctions and I think this is a fair team. Sagna, Aurelio and Skrtel will perform if played. Lescott will be keenly watched. Can he do it again? I have to confess I have a bad feeling about Everton this time around. The midfield is Fantasy Football Lite, I’m sorry to say; can’t see any of them getting over 20pts. Four class strikers: Santa Cruz, Defoe, Shevchenko and Saha. Some tinkering could make this a team to reckon with. “Could” being the operative word.
Buffys Muff Club
Johnson. Hreidarsson. Hmm. I think Pompey will do well to perform at the back, somehow. That leaves just Alex and Ferreira to collect points in defence. It would be nice to think that Senderos will feature – I bought him myself – but I have doubts. Lennon and Nani will shine in the middle. Diouf always puzzles me as a choice. Adebayour and Owen will impress. Johnson may be a revelation if he clicks with Zamora. Yes, Zamora! Jo might be eye-popping. I only say that because I once knew a girl called Jo and she was certainly eye-popping. Some changes required.
The Partridge Family
Julian Partridge stayed up by the skin of his prepuce last time around; a reprieve handed out like Maundy money in the draughty recesses of the close season. Will he deserve that second chance? Oddly enough, I think he might be going places with this squad. There are some horrors: Hart in goal? Surely not! Barmby in midfield – can you hear the squeaks and creaks? But people might be surprised. Fabregas, Bentley, Nolan and Valencia are sure fire bets for 150pts minimum in the centre of the park. Carew will be outstanding, as will Anelka and Rooney. But all will kneel to Crouch. Do you like that? It’s quite a good turn of phrase that, don’t you think? Watch this team.
Skonto Reefa
Scamp Boy finally turned up to an auction this time around. Was it all worth it or should he have stayed making sandcastles in the deserts of The Empty Quarter? Well, casting a bleary eye over his squad what can you say? Bosingwa was a good buy; Bale was a goodbye – as were Yobo, Ben Haim and Babel. Rosicky has yet to do it. Sidwell was the forgotten man last term. We will have cause to remember him again, come May. Drogba might be over-priced at £5.1m. Villaneuva is an unknown quantity. Van Persie plays in the shadows too much for me to ever buy him. O’Shea and Elmander? Who knows. I have an ominous bucket-and-spade feeling about this squad.
Seven Of Nine
Tim Marks has a half-decent defence on board (van der Sar, Beletti, Brown) and Distin may be the saviour of Pompey. Elano is nice in midfield. Nasri is untested. Torres and Martins and dos Santos make an interesting trio to perm from up front. Kuyt could feature occasionally, but don’t expect it. At least five of this squad will be gone by the end of September. Still, some promise. Manager needs to go on a diet – he’ll never fit into Jerry Ryan’s lycra flight-suit until he does.
Ornamental Brown Star
Paul Harding hangs on in there, unspectacular as ever, as if average was something to be conceited about. Paul’s first instinct, one feels, is always slanted towards survival and he will be pleased to learn that I think he will stay up with this collection. The defence is largely sound. Woodgate may be a liability – good defender in a team that doesn’t know how to defend – and Jagielka may be the only Evertonian to be happy by May, having raised his profile and price. The midfield is stonking. Barry, Lampard, the penalty-taking Modric, and a Geremi who will be like a player reborn, I suspect - Keegan does like to use the flanks. Keane will fit in at Liverpool like solitary stallion at a stud farm. McCarthy and Benjani should tick-over. A few duds, but who hasn’t got those?
Stockport C*unty
Trevor Thornton has become the new Adrian Downs in recent years. He has one plan and one plan only when it comes to auctions, and it comes out year after year: Respected, reviled and, like a boat trip to Lundy, regurgitated. So how did the “Spend Big at the Back” plan do this time around? The answer is: not bad. Not bad at all. The word in the Conservatory – makes us sound like a classical ensemble that – was that he was none too happy, but I think he must have been secretly glowing at many of his purchases. The back is solid, like a block of marble in the 18-yard box: Reina, Clichy, Evra, Carvalho and Agger. 200pts right from the off. The midfield loses it somewhat: Deco could be amazing, but will need to get up the field to show real worth. Johnson is a transfer target and may only deliver if the move happens. Dyer is always worth a punt if he can start and finish a season. Lawrence is yet to be tested at this level. Tevez will probably raise eyebrows this time; Bent may raise gasps – especially if Dimitar moves on. Trevor’s bench are seat warmers and will be moved out in the opening fortnight once the Transfer market opens. No sentiment, no sympathy, no mercy. You have been warned: he will move swiftly and effectively to bolster where needed. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you The Supreme Champion.
WHERE’S THE HEAD
ON THAT PINT A: SUPERIOR DIVISION
FINAL TABLE MAY 2009:
| Club | Manager | pts | star player | odds |
| Stockport C*unty | Mr Benn | 411 | Bent | 2/1 |
| The Partridge Family | Julian Partridge | 385 | Crouch | 4/1 |
| Hugo ‘N Botty | Stu Watt | 377 | Berbatov | 9/4 |
| Totalled Football | Tom Campbell | 360 | Defoe | 9/4 |
| Ornamental Brown Star | Paul Harding | 344 | Keane | 5/1 |
| Mandrake Slappers | Ken Clifford | 344 | Alves | 5/1 |
| Seven Of Nine | Tim Marks | 344 | Torres | 5/1 |
| Buffys Muff Club | Phil Martin | 341 | Adebayour | 6/1 |
| Scrumpy Jacks Cider Eds | Trevor Cowles | 341 | Gerrard | 6/1 |
| Skonto Reefa | Jon Ward | 313 | Bosingwa | 10/1 |
15/08/08.