SEASON 1995-96 Living in the past WEBMEISTER BREAKS NEW GROUND WITH UPDATED FOGG-HORN!

The Chairman's history of the "Where's The Head On That Pint Fantasy League"

A Remarkable Treble

Even while the preparations for the third season were underway, there was controversy. Because of the number of people now wanting to join the league, the league would certainly not be able to run as one division. As the deadline for applications drew near, it was obvious that we would have to set up a second division. Twelve managers remained from the previous season. Twelve new managers wanted to join. After consideration it was decided to offer one of the new managers a place in the top tier, by way of drawing lots. Conversely, the team that finished bottom of the league, from the previous season would be automatically relegated. Harsh, perhaps, but it's a harsh world. Trevor, it has to be said, accepted his fate with equanimity. He saw it as a challenge as he still does. There were dissenters, it has to be said. Rais Hyder, a newcomer to the league, made the suggestion that the teams in the top division should be decided by drawing lots. The setting up of a second division re-drew the map of the league, he reasoned. He was also deeply offended by the fact that I had already decided that the two divisions would be tagged as "Superior" and "Inferior", almost like a caste-system, although, of course, the tags referred to the league's long running facetious theme of the North being superior to the South. For the duration of a long tea break in Swindon Village, Matt Wood and I listened to his arguments with interest, admiring each subtle twist in his approach, pondering each possible semantic interpretation of his logic. As the afternoon unfolded every view he expressed was given careful consideration. Finally, and with the utmost gravitas, we told him to sod off. The lots for the one place on offer were drawn, and for the first and only time since the league expanded from one division, a team gained an automatic place in the top flight without having had to earn it by promotion. The team was Pullins Perfecto Allstars, managed by Shaun Pullin. The Fates were unkind to Shaun, however, and he was relegated after this, his first and only season in the league.

For the new season, then, we were fielding 24 teams in two divisions. It would provide a real challenge for the Chairman. Fortunately, during the season I had acquired a desktop photocopier which was to prove a godsend as time went by. There were several other new aspects to the league. First off, it was decided to scrap the over-large prize money fund that had turned the league into a cash-grab, rather than a play-for-pride organisation. This move would be further underlined by the establishment of so-called "Free Franchise" awards. For the first time, half of the prize-fund would be used to buy free enrolment with Fantasy League® for the most successful managers. It was a piece of pure inspiration, and has since proved to be very popular. Also new for the 95/96 season was the establishment of two new cup competitions, to replace the old 838 League Cup and The Arnold Rimmer Trophy, neither of which had ever been taken particularly seriously. The 838 was to be replaced by The Caffrey's Chalice, an ornate Caffrey's sliever, with Celtic embellishments. Whereas the old League Cup had been run on a Champions League basis, the Chalice would be a straight knock-out competition. In addition to this bit of slieverware, we also now had some silverware, The Roy Pearce Trophy, a silver plated cup, standing at around a foot high, which I donated to the league, and which was named after my father who had died during that summer. The Roy Pearce Trophy would be competed for each season, beginning with a round-robin group stage before going to a knock-out phase.

It was to be an interesting season in the league. In the Superior Division, it was a two-horse race once again as The Twerton Terrors just edged Stuart Halson's Real Ale Madrid to the title, thus consolidating their iron grip on the league. Jon Pullin's Armchair Supporters XI surprised everyone to sneak into third place, just ahead of the Chairman. Down at the bottom it was a frantic struggle as the possibility of the drop sunk in for the first time. In the end, Jennys Jems clung on to their top flight status by a mere six points. Whilst others breathed a sigh of relief, Pullins Perfecto Allstars, inaugural champions Dynamo Chicken Kiev and Matt Wood's Smoke Me A Kipper FC all succumbed to the indignity of the dreaded drop.

In the second, or Inferior Division, some bright new stars were catching the eye. First and foremost amongst these new flock of fantasists was Sarah Reynolds, who went under the club name of Gary Linekers Legs XI. Sarah was seldom out of the top two during the season and roared to the title with a massive 441pts. Also making waves at this time was another Sarah, Sarah Pearce, the Chairman's sister, who also was seldom out of the top two with her team, Liversalts FC. In the end Liversalts FC had to settle for runners-up spot, a fate that has nettled their boss ever since. The third team to be promoted that season were to prove a constant thorn in the side of many Superior Division members. Rob Foster joined the league as Cotham Crusaders, and his no-nonsense, some would say arrogant approach, has been raising smiles and hackles ever since. All three promoted teams richly deserved their prize, but the real losers on this occasion were to be Bruce Ellacott's The Sad Old Gits FC. Bruce had looked a good bet to make it up all season, but it wasn't to be. He wouldn't have to wait long, however. The real strugglers all season, though, were Trevor's Bung Us A Backhand Bruce. Relegated by popular demand at the end of the previous season, Trevor finished in last place in the league for the third successive season. It just goes to show, you really can keep a good man down if you try hard enough. There was great debate at the end of this season, as we prepared to establish a third division, as to whether we ought to relegate Trevor again. Trevor would have accepted it with good grace if we had, I'm sure, but in the end we were merciful. His record was becoming more of an affliction, after all.

The new cup competitions attracted a lot of interest right from the start. In the Caffrey's Chalice both the Chairman and The Twerton Terrors were knocked out in the first round. Meanwhile, Gary Linekers Legs XI were quietly despatching Pullins Perfecto Allstars, 8-2. The second round was a bizarre 3-way match affair, followed by a wildcard system that even now I struggle to understand. Gary Linekers Legs XI progressed easily past Karachi Casuals and Megans Northern Clarets. In the quarter-finals they saw off Doreens Green Hoppers, 11-5, whilst their Inferior Division rivals, Liversalts FC slipped past Real Ale Madrid, 10-7. The semis were interesting. The Clarets had got back into the Chalice via the wildcard system that nobody understood, but Legs XI finished them off this time. For Liversalts it was to be a rockier ride. After an amazing 26-26 draw with Cotham Crusaders, they finally made it to the final by a clear 14pts in the replay. The final was to be an anticlimax for Liversalts, however, as Kinkladze ran riot for her rivals. The final result was a 16-13 victory for Gary Linekers Legs XI.

In The Roy Pearce Trophy, competition was stiffer than in any other previous cup. The 24 teams in the league lined up in four groups of six, with only the top two in each group going through. Gary Linekers Legs XI looked to be easily the strongest team in the last eight after the group section was settled, though Real Ale Madrid were also weighty contenders. Liversalts were knocked out at this stage, thus also weakening the opposition for Sarah Reynolds, who polished off Doreens Green Hoppers, 10-4. When the balls came out of the hat, the two strongest teams had avoided each other. Real Ale scraped past the still complaining Karachi Casuals, whilst Legs XI hammered Barry Thompson's Camels On E. A pretty good final looked to be in prospect, and so it turned out. Chasing a unique treble, Gary Linekers Legs XI saw fortunes swing greatly during the final week of the season until they finally clinched the Trophy, 23-18. As I wrote at the time: "Stuart Halson's Real Ale were worthy challengers, but in the end the sheer class of a club that deserves to compete at the highest level, won through." With the league in the bag as well, it was a remarkable treble for the golden girl of the league, and surely a feat that is destined never to be repeated.