SEASON 1993-94 Living in the past WEBMEISTER BREAKS NEW GROUND WITH UPDATED FOGG-HORN!

The Chairman's history of the "Where's The Head On That Pint Fantasy League"

Blame it on Bill Werbinuik

It might seem a strange thing to say, but if anyone is to blame for this strange compulsion that possesses us for thirty weeks of the year it has to be Bill Werbinuik. How a twenty-stone plus, lager-guzzling, Canadian snooker player - who once produced a note from his doctor to the effect that he needed to drink up to twenty pints of lager before and during tournaments in order to settle his nerves - came to be the catalyst in the formation of our league was all down to a bright advertising gimmick from a (then) small play-by-mail company based in North London.

Fantasy League® were founded back in 1991 by Andrew Wainstein, a young football obsessive who got the idea for the game from similar games played in the USA with American Football and Baseball. Seeing the possibilities of applying such an idea to the domestic football scene he gradually evolved a simple system for awarding points for goals, clean sheets and assists, whilst deducting points for goals conceded. Starting in his bedroom at his parents house he developed the game and began to advertise in football magazines and fanzines. In the first full season, he had recruited 35 leagues and the concept gained a cult following, eventually even making it onto radio and television.

Back in the grim winter days of 1993, Fantasy League® were still to really make their mark, though word was spreading fast. A small advertisement in the national broadsheets was guaranteed to catch the eye: it ran: "Manchester United will not win the league, this season it will be won by Athletico Bill Werbinuik". It was this tag that jumped out at me, one Saturday morning back in early December, 1993. What the hell was that all about? I very nearly turned the page; had I done so I might very well not be writing this now. I read a bit more closely. I was intrigued, not least because a couple of weeks earlier I had come across a similar idea in a book at Waterstones, that had been about setting up a play by mail game, run by a rival company called Dream Team. I decided I had to find out more and filled in the coupon.

The following Monday I discussed it at work with Barry Thompson and Matt Wood, who like me were intrigued and wanted to see what these Fantasy League® people, whoever they were, sent. We didn't have long to wait, and a few days later our very first Auction Pack arrived. I have to say that I was extremely impressed. I had expected a gimcrack operation, with tatty paperwork, but what I actually got was a slick glossy brochure with stylistic stationery. The cost was reasonable, especially considering that we were already halfway through the season. At just over a tenner I thought I might swing a few people into getting involved. Barry was first in after me and it didn't take long to recruit the rest of "The Original Seven". Blood Collection Team members, myself, Barry Thompson, Matt Wood, Andy Fogg, Trevor Cowles and Jenny O'Brien all dug deep into our pockets; Stuart Halson, from the NBTS IT department was the last to join. All we had to do was to hold an auction.

The very first Where's The Head On That Pint Fantasy League Auction was held after work one evening in midweek during mid-December in Barry Thompson's flat in Henleaze Road (above the Gateway, now Somerfields). We had slated a 9pm start, but by the time we had opened a few cans and sorted out the paperwork in was nearer to 9.30. Stuart Halson didn't arrive and so for the first time a sort-of proxy system was used; with only seven of us in the league it was easy to pick out some decent players for him from the pool after each category of player had been filled. Did we know what we were doing? I doubt it; my first buy was Steyskal (QPR's goalkeeper, who wasn't even playing at the time). Unfortunately, the Auction record of that original season has gone missing in the intervening years; it would make interesting reading, I'm sure. From memory I seem to recall that the most expensive player of the night was a certain Andy Cole, who went for just under £12m. It was, in retrospect, a snip. Cole was on fire for Newcastle during 93/94 and accumulated a massive 120pts overall. Andy Fogg only bagged 75 of those points (17 goals and 12 assists) but it was enough to hand him the title, come May.

Considering there were only seven of us in the league, the auction was an incredibly slow affair. Whereas today we can whip through a ten team auction in around three hours, we made heavy going of our first effort, which lasted until after 1am; over three and a half hours to sell just 105 players! We were virgins, though, and would learn by our mistakes. By the time we left Barry's flat we were each certain that we had the team of our dreams in our pockets. I duly copied up the teamsheets and dispatched them to Fantasy League® the next day. We were up and rolling.

The business of the Auction over, there were other matters to attend to. We had already decided on a league name, which was arrived at after much debate in the Southmead Hospital Social Club. Matt was thinking about calling his team "The Hypnotic World of the Arsenal Back Four"; it was a good name, but was, I pointed out to him, probably too long for a team name. I did, however, think it might be adapted for use as the league name. Somehow, however, it never came about and an off-the-cuff remark of Andy Fogg's about the flat nature of Southern beer, became taken up by everybody. The Where's The Head On That Pint Northern Premier Fantasy League was duly christened with some flat social club beer. The next thing was to arrange a meeting to thrash out a schedule for the season and to spice things up with some cup competitions.

Shortly before Christmas another meeting was held at the hospital Social Club, and by then the first report had arrived from Fantasy League®. This first report was passed around to be admired by all, especially Andy Fogg who was in pole-position as the campaign got underway. The meeting went well. Some local rules were put in place, a transfer-market was established and a league calendar was drawn up The league also set up two cup competitions: The Arnold Rimmer Trophy, (a straight knock-out FA Cup type, fictitious trophy inspired by Red Dwarf - the name being a play on Jules Rimet, the father of the World Cup) and also The 838 League Cup, a round-robin Champions League format competition which would provide everyone with some measure of a cup run. The draw was held, and for the first time the hand of fate caressed the balls of destiny as the ping-pong balls were drawn from the Chairman's blue-and-white bobble-hat. As there were only seven teams in the league at that time, it was decided to put together a team of useless players from the pool to make up the eighth team and to provide some cannon-fodder for everyone else. After a remark of Andy Fogg's Bag O' Shite was born.

Another important development to come out of this meeting was the recognition that the league would need a newsletter to hold everything together and to keep everyone in touch with what was going on in the cups, the transfer-market and so forth. This, it was clear to me at least, was my territory and I volunteered to take the task on board. For nearly eight years the league newsletter was my baby, and I like to think I made it my own. The first newsletter went out in the New Year of 1994. I pondered at length what to call the newsletter. At first I wanted to call it 838 after the league's first PIN number, in time, however, it grew into The Fogg-Horn, a name I coined after having to listen endlessly to Andy Fogg spouting off about anything and everything, especially the great life to be had up north (so why are you down here??), the magnificent Humber Bridge and "Hull: The Gateway to Europe"; it was, I realised, rather like listening to a fog-horn, and bingo! the name of the league's official organ came into being.

The first season only ran for 19 weeks but it was enough to give us a flavour of what the game was about. It also made us realise that it was no picnic to run off with the title. By the end of the season, Andy Fogg's Dynamo Chicken Kiev had never been displaced from the top spot and he just scraped home by 9pts after a poor final week that saw the Chairman's team, Weston Donkeys almost snatch it at the last. Tottenham supporter, Stuart Halson and Arsenal supporter, Barry Thompson tied for third place, whilst Trevor Cowles's Shelton's Pit Ponies started a tradition of propping everyone else up.

In the cups, it was a different story. The 838 League Cup pitched Weston Donkeys against Shelton's Pit Ponies, after both teams qualified from the same group in the earlier stages. The Donkeys had been unbeaten in their route to the final, winning all three group games handsomely, including an 8-1 demolition of Trevor's team. In the semis they really hit form against Stuart's Inter Milkvan, who were on the receiving end of a downright drubbing, 24-0. Meanwhile, Pit Ponies overcame league leaders, Dynamo Chicken Kiev, 9-4, in the other semi-final. Both teams looked forward eagerly to the final, played over the 23rd, 24th and 25th of April, 1994. The question was, could the Ponies outrun the Donkeys? In the end it was my defence that let me down. Beresford, Hendry, Dixon and Fairclough all dropped a total of 6pts for the Donkeys and the Ponies ran out winners 11-7. Trevor Cowles had picked up the first trophy in the long history of the league. As far as The Arnold Rimmer Trophy is concerned, records are far more sketchy. Records of the First (quarter-final) Round have been lost, but the semi-finals threw up at least one shock. In a two-legged affair, Matt Wood's The Irene Machine turned over Dynamo Chicken Kiev 12-6 after being 3-2 down from the first leg. In the final they met the Chairman's Weston Donkeys, who, until their League Cup defeat the month before, were all but unstoppable in cup competitions. The Donkeys were easy favourites, having destroyed Inter Milkvan, yet again, 21-7 on aggregate - I liked playing Stuart in those days! The records of that final are lost, but I recall that the Weston Donkeys controversially won it. Had the scores been taken from the week's score rather than just the scores from weekend, The Irene Machine would have scraped it 13-12. As it was I think the score was 10-8, or 12-10 to the Donkeys. And so the first season drew to a close. For under £20 each we had had five months of entertainment. Had Dynamo Chicken Kiev had a bit more luck in the semi-finals of both cup competitions, they might have notched up a remarkable treble. As it was, Andy Fogg had to content himself with the inaugural championship. I hope the glow lasted, because the next five seasons were to prove a virtual desert for him after his initial triumph.